Friday, May 14, 2010


This past Thursday was a day of so many emotions... It started off with sleepiness, then went to being nervous as I waited for my final grades then to happiness as I was going through the halls of putnam done with finals and seeing all of my amazing friends and talking about summer, then I get a call from my mom saying that she was in town coming to help me pack, so that brought even more excitement (because my two best friends surprised me!) Then, when I get outside, I run to my mom and sister and basically tackle them with hugs and then another emotion comes over me. Confusion. My mom kind of calms down and suddenly her face changed. She told me that my cousin Jon died that morning. He never woke up from his sleep. Then shock hit me. "How could this be?" Not my Jonny! He is like my brother. What am I going to do without him? What am I going to do without our weekly Skype chats? I loved those. He would MAKE sure to make time for my sister and I. His brother and him were the closest things I have had to brothers. I love them so much. Oh my gosh. Then, we just stood outside of Putnam holding each other and bawling. So, after about three hours of running around doing errands, crying, packing the rest of my room out, crying, saying quick goodbyes to all of my amazing friends, and some more crying, we left Manhattan and came home to Newton to spend time with family and are headed to Seattle on Wednesday for his funeral. I have really been so confused by all of our emotions. One minute we are ok and acting like normal, another minute we are speechless, and the other minutes we are crying. The one thing that hasn't left anyone is shock. He was only 38. He has a wife and a two year old. Holy cow. My first instinct is to just get mad at God right away. But, I haven't let myself go there. I WON'T let myself go there. I know that this is what my family needs. They (we) all need the Lord more than ever now. I don't know and can't even imagine how people go through this without the Lord. I feel as it would be impossible. So, I ask everyone right now. Are you Saved?! Sorry to just put it out there, but I want everyone to be in Heaven. No one deserves to be with Satan. I know that Jonny is with Jesus, but what about you? Do you know? Also, Thanks to everyone who has had us and them in their prayers. I personally can feel them in the little things right now. So, thank you for your continuous prayers.

Jesus replied, "You do not realise now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
John 13:7

I love you Jonny. I hope you are having the most amazing time partying up there with Jesus and Dad right now. =)