So, I realized as I was trying to log on, that you can't update this if you don't have a password. Now I remember why I haven't updated since August. Holy Moly. Well, I am taking this time right now, to kind of start over. I realize that I always feel a little better after I write a blog post, so here goes nothing. Since my last post, my life has been crazy. I have moved, changed departments at work, gained two amazing roommates, The Wildcats won the Big 12 title because we are just that awesome, just previously lost one of those roommates because of Graduation, My photography business has grown, I have fallen away from my faith more than I would have liked to, I have made some decisions and might possibly start changing churches, finding that I am nothing without the Lord and I seriously could not live life with out him, I have made some future plans that are going to change my life, had some heartbreaks and lastly (at least what I can think of) I have had some wonderful times of laughter.
Yeah, sorry for a long post. :)
So, as I read over that list, I feel as if I should talk through some things, so bear with me, if you don't want to read this, you can just leave! It really would not hurt my feelings. :) haha
Ok. Here we go!
So, when I say I fell away from my faith, I guess I didn't fall really far, but I still fell and I hated who I was becoming. For me, not being in Challenge has actually been harder than I thought it would be. I guess I had a secret accountability built into myself when I was leading worship, meeting with Erika every week and going to a bible study every week. I would make time for a quiet time with the Lord, and I would do things that started to just come second nature to me, like being a selfless person and learning scripture, etc. I also lost a huge community(aka support). I know that most of them are still here, but I feel as if I am looked at differently, and treated differently or just not talked to by some people that I thought I used to be really close with because I didn't go to challenge this last semester because of a class. That really hurt too. I guess I don't understand that, but I feel as if it really shouldn't be like that. Same with some of the people at my church. I know I still have a few really good heart friends, but it is hard to not have that huge community of believers around me to help me. :) Past addictions came out of me, I was becoming more selfish with my earthly possessions and the littlest things were getting me really upset and I knew that when that happened, it was time to change. So, recently I have really been trying to make time for the Lord in my life. Not so much that I am becoming a bible pusher, but just enough to get me back to where my life was when I was in the word almost everyday, or where I would be leading worship and really find ways to connect that way. Ways I am changing? Well, I am trying even harder to listen to what he is telling me and not just going with what I want for myself, getting back in to quiet times, and I have recently been going to a new church that I have fallen in love with. My roommate who just moved out went there so I thought I would try it out and I really really like it! So, we will see if that is the permanent one for me, or not :)
Future?
I mean, of course God is STILL testing patience with me in the fact that I still have no boyfriend. Never have. Which at this time in life where my friends and I are in that group whose time it is to get engaged, married and have babies, that is hard. I have really only ever been on one date in my life and to look around and see my friends getting engaged and seeing them get married just weighs on me, but I am joyful at the same time because I am so excited to see who God has for me. I do want a boyfriend, but God is having me wait, so we will see when that Man comes! BUT, the big thing I was talking about is that in August, I am officially moving back to Newton. It is so bittersweet, because I truly love Manhattan, but I really feel like God is calling me back to Newton. After 5 years up here, it is a second home, and I am leaving so many things, so I am going to really treat these last 9 months that I have up here like gold. :) Clearly it isn't that far away so I am not leaving it for good. I have such a wonderful calling there, as far as my photography business, so I am excited to see where that leads also! So, in August, I will be moving away from the beautiful city of Manhappiness and moving back to the wonderful city of Newton. :) So much sadness and so much excitement all in one!
And as far as some other things, I am reading over that list again and realized that I am blessed. I know I end up saying that a lot, but really I am. I know that my life isn't perfect. It really is far from perfect, but I know that i am blessed. I have two AMAZING women as roommates (which one moved out, but thanks to technology we can still talk), I have a wonderful job, that yes it is hard, but I love it. I have a wonderful mom and sister who I can talk to them about anything, or we can be down each others throats and fight like every other family, but we are still the best of friends and always end with laughter. I have wonderful wonderful wonderful friends here that I can just talk to, or laugh with, or craft with and be myself with. I live in a great house with the most precious, caring, loving family that I have ever met upstairs that will do anything for you, I have wonderful families in my life (like the Sapps, the Classens, the Montanos, and the Geracis). I look at my life, and I know that people don't have that and I am just blessed. With the things that have been going on in the world earlier, just tell those loved ones how much you love them and squeeze them a little tighter, it is hard, but we never know when our last days on this earth will be!
Well, that is all for now. I am hoping to keep up with blogging better than I have been! It is good for my heart. So, thank you for sticking with me if you did and I promise that every post from now on will not be this long! :)
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen to God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own give him the first and the best.:
-Proverbs 3:5-7
